Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
