just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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