I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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