my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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