Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
