So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
