Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
