Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
