Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
