Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
