For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
