peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
