I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
