Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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