you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
ok first of all what the fuck
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
