google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
