The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
