The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
