OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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