if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
