Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
