why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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