i need an iv and a liver transplant
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
