thus making me awesome and them whores
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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