I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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