Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
