This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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