I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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