I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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