guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
