I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
