Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize