i permit you to call me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
