someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
