my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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