I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
