what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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