The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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