I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize