i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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