I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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