We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
