I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
