So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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