On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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