Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
