WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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