maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
