I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
