it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
