You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
