Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
