Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
