My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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