I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
