her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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