I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
do herpes really smell.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
