so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
