you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why do cheetos always look like penises
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
