so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
