First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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