I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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