She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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