Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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