he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
